If your house has lots of child-proof locks and gates, but no one under 21 ever comes to your house.
If your wardrobe has a special section for shirts that have been chewed through in spots.
If you ever have gone to work without knowing that you had a bird deposit on your clothes. Or if your spouse hugs you and then later finds the bird deposit has been transferred.
If you can’t have nice things.
If you can’t have houseplants. Especially not ones that will cause harm if eaten.
If you would rather have wood or tile floors and not carpeting. ‘
If you routinely answer wolf whistles with words of approval. “Good boy, Charlie.” And ignore the odd looks you get after that.
If your conversations are frequently interrupted with voices from beyond.
If you have ever spent the day chopping fruits and vegetables and then been too tired to fix healthy food for your human family.
If you watch where you step when in certain rooms near certain cages.
If everyone you know comes to visit and moves quickly out of the range of the bird chatter.
If you keep ear plugs near the door, just in case.
If you have to explain many times that the birds go to sleep when it’s dark. And they only make this much noise when someone new comes to visit. Really.
If you have to adjust your social schedule around the timing of feeding, cleaning, and possibly pairing your birds.
If you are more interested in the growth of chicks than the election coverage.
If you would rather give the baby birds away so that they go to a good home than try to explain to your tax person why you spend $200 in food and supplied and made $40 in return.
If you haven’t been on a vacation in years because the birds wouldn’t like it.
If you need thirty minutes or more to get ready for bed because if you don’t say goodnight to anyone, they will scream for a long time. Even if you go back and apologize.
If you wish you had your own drive-in car wash because it would be so simple to clean the bird cages that way.
If you buy all your vehicles with towing and hauling bird food, cages, and other supplies in it.
If you wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for reading, I’ll be back on Sunday.